Give & Take.

The passing of a Titan.

Today is Melissa’s last day…although she’s a part timer…her Aries streak runs strong in her, making her a damn fine worker…she puts in almost as much effort in 1 day as compared to wad some of the full timers put in a week! I’m sad to see her go…*no more eye candy* but I guess she’s had enough of the shit. I spoke to Ken today and well its kinda reassuring that he’s one manager hu works my way…the “team” method. Even though he’s a manager…he does the 24 replenishment, he pushes sales, he helps with the VM. The man walks the walk and talks the talk.

Let’s see wad the future holds.

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Give & Take

Give me Time; to take my chains and locks off.

Give me solace; take away my yesterday.

Give me the pills; and take away the pain.

Give me companions; to take me away.

Give me space; to take up my emptiness.

Give me Nothing; and Take Everything.

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Belle, what happen to your thigh…why? hmm Belle why?

its painful and funny to remember things this way.

Complimentary.

It is a good day to die…coz everything’s been going well. Today at work, I received a compliment feedback from a customer! 😀 and Ken the manager came out of the office to tell me personally and informed me that if I accumulate 10 of these…I will receive a $50 Zara voucher. It ain’t bad~~ Well at least in 3 weeks…I’m already showing good progress…I just hope I dun burnout myself in the process…low profile!

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AMH = Ah Ma is Home! I got a sms in the afternoon saying Ah Ma was discharged and now resting at home. Thank the Heavens for that!

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I visited the FLMP crew at Wisma today and received shocking news…everyone is about to quit or have tendered resignation. Jick and Jerry have interviews at D&G (Jerry already got offered another job too). Emily is planning her way out (after hearing all these) and into Kate Spade. Alif had enough and is leaving too, so is Frendy…Shanon is tendering tml…and even William has plans to say goodbye. Now all that is left is dear Claudia…and damn I’m worried! Staying on means a whole shitload of training to do…and she’s closest linked to Phoebe PLUS she’s Malaysian. Its damn tough for her…but I hope to find out wad she tinks tml…Gotta meet her and talk!

Well after the big discovery I met up with Kenny and Shanon @ Serangoon Mac…it was seriously a good deal of fun as we chatted and caught up with each other…telling each other the stories and info we’ve been meaning to tell each other. If only we weren’t on morning shift tml!!!!

But we discussed the FLMP issue and spoke abt him going into army…and suddenly…we saw this blogger, Michelle Quek. She was an obvious attention-seeker with alot of eye catching movements wired into her body language. Sudden bouts of tiptoe-ing and flicking her hair and looking behind her shows symptoms of paranoia and desire for attention. Well of course we shall add the fact that she has lovely legs(amazing short skirt) and almost no boobs (amazing low neckline) and has a nice voice( amazing haolian and audible voice) declaring that she is gonna blog abt something as she left the Mac…as if to tell those around her that she is a STAR BLOGGER *if you didn’t already know*

She provided us with jokes aplenty for the nxt 30mins…so thank you Michelle 🙂

Ah Ma…

I forgone my RT training to visit my grandma…I didn’t know how long I was gonna take or even if I would be able to take it *emotionally* after visiting her, and it was a wise move.

When I got there, I couldn’t find the ward. So I assumed ward 44 would be in Block 4. Luckily I was right and it took me a while to find Ah Ma coz I walked right past her ward. When I found the name on the wall, walked in….I got stunned. Ah Ma’s face…was damn pale. It breaks my heart to be even repeating the events here but I wanna write this so I’ll never forget to love her and take care of her. Her eye sockets were so sunken and she was pale and obviously weak. There wasn’t much medical equipment on her (fucking thank god) except for a intravenous attachment on her hand, a external heartbeat monitor attached and a tube running under her nose to ensure she gets more oxygen den normal breathing.

She was tired and down so I tried to talk to her. No one told her of her condition so I told her everything would be alright and tried to reassure her that if nothing goes wrong she’d be sent home soon.I asked if anyone else had come to visit her and well there were quite a few so I’m quite relieved she wasn’t left her alone for too much of the time. I even brought her a chinese magazine and newspaper to pass time but I realised she was illiterate. Damn…all these years, she could write recipes for baking cakes and all that…but it turns out she can’t read? I was too stunned to digest that info.

It was real boring in there – no tv, radio and she was bedridden. There was this cute coconut picture hung over all the beds in the ward and I came to realise that it meant these patients couldn’t walk without support. It was kinda cute and smart coz it meant something but most patients wouldn’t know the hidden meaning so they wun feel bad about their condition, but I guess Ah Ma was a smart one 😀

She turned sideways and asked for a massage, which I more den willingly gave…massaging her gave me time to tink…to analyse her emotional condition and try to fill up the gaps. But when I put myself in her shoes, my 1st reaction was that if I was her…I’d wanna sleep and escape it all. The room, the patients, the boredom…and yes it was what she wanted.

Her eyes showed fatigue and so after the massage, I let her turn to lie flat and I patted her. It came naturally to me…coz whenever I was young she’d pat me to sleep. As I patted her softly, she was lulled to sleep…and I was reminded of the old days when I was small, I could remember those hot afternoons and her hands patting me…sometimes for over 30mins just to get me to take a afternoon nap. My tears were coming out coz I really feel damn bad about her situation but I was oso scared that she’d open her eyes and see me tearing, so I tried to hold back. My arm was starting to ache and I scolded myself in my heart because this small ache is nothing compared to the years she had patted me to sleep….so I continued until she fell asleep.

Ber called to comfirm our meeting and I left the hospital after that.

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AMH will never be complete without Ah Ma…because AMH will always mean Ah Ma House.

Lovin’ you…

To me…lovin’ you is…

Watching you hold another person’s hands while knowing that I will never hold anyone else’s but yours.

’nuff said.

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My 1st day at Men’s department….and we broke this week’s daily weekday record already! 4.8k woo! Me and my mentor, Siti were damn high over it la…Looks like its a good start…

But I came home and realised that my grandma was sent to hospital today…turns out her heartbeat was too high and my family doc recommend her to go hospital. I’m visiting her tml…still trying to tell myself its gonna be ok…she’s not in a serious situation but the docs are keeping her under observation for a few days.

I’m at a loss…

On the way home.

It was like the music was singing for me…

I was on the mrt @ Harbourfront – putting my Ipod on random. As I felt for my lock…and stroked it…the next song played.

How true…each sentence mirrors my perspective…each line stung my heart.

I always come….back to you.

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I had this real weird dream…I was along some coastal town and I made my way to the beach. When I got there , there was a wonderful scene of the sunset and bluish / pinkish hues cast upon the clouds all over the sky. I was excited and scrambled to get my camera out of the bag but by the time i got it out, the moment was over. But somehow the skies turned brighter and the was some kinda tour where everyone would lie of the beach and we given pamphlets and a time chart telling us when certain cloud formations would appear. To top it all off…the cloud formations were given weird names like “Boy on a Ox” and “Dragon with 4 legs” and there were even photographic descriptions of the actual cloud formations!

It seemed like a orchestrated thing…but we all know clouds can’t be commanded.  So I left.

And promptly woke up. Damn!

Koko ni matteru yo~

Honestly I’ve come to a point where I realise I have nothing left. It is but a couple of good frens and a few far fletched dreams that sustain me. Most would agree thats actually all one needs in life.

But at the cost of not having her by me?

After things have come this far…I still have dreams of learning the burmese language, still wanna go there, still keep the lock on me everyday, still….

A reality check on my life and all I can tell myself is that my mission now is to see thru Time. I need the time to regroup and fix everything else thats broken. My heart, my bank, myself.

The desire to get my ass back to Thailand is mind-numbing. It has become my Escape…I hold on dearly to that dream becoz its a seriously gd one for me….its 80% gonna be my final destination. Australia has the other 20% firmly and if it wasn’t for Thailand’s easy lifestyle…I’d prolly be learning how to surf ‘mate. LOL!

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Can I not have it this way? To go thru years of waiting, a few months of the life and moments I had truly desired and now have it robbed from me?

What happened to Waiting?

Save me.

I woke up and ran straight to the com…my dream had to be written down as soon as possible. I dreamt that I was in a part of Temasek Poly following after Belle and her classmates. We started off in the canteen and made our way thru a dark corridor and den to a classroom. They were very sneaky about something and they all seem to know me,yet I knew none of them. When I entered the classroom at the end of the corridor, I came across something surprising.

It was a giant poster. Its those kind of “Do’s and Don’ts” posters and it was shot from the perspective of a basin.The 1st top half of the pic had Belle wearing rubber gloves and holding alot of dishes facing the basin which was also full of empty plates. It seemed to have a caption of “Save Food”.

The second bottom half of the pic was even more weird. Belle was wearing a orange cheongsam and holding a almost similiar colored silk scarf over her neck. She was looking coy as she looked at the camera but this time the caption was kinda of like “Save Water” coz there was only 1 big plate in the basin and it wasn’t as cluttered as the 1st pic.

I am piecing together the dream as we speak….did the poster mean “Save Food = Save Water?”

Hotline.

Friendster Horoscope for May 20, 2008

Aquarius

The Bottom Line

You know you can rely on your friends for support, so why aren’t you? Reach out.

In Detail

You know good and well that you can rely on your friends for support, so why aren’t you doing that? This is no time for you to feel embarrassed about what you are going through! All your people love you for who you are — and they’ve made some mistakes too. They are ready and waiting with open arms for you to reach out to them, so make that contact today. Send an email or text message to that one person who’s been where you are now. They have some wise words to give you.

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Like the old folks used to say – Good Medicine Tastes Bitter. I feel like escaping, for once I really cannot face this anymore. I need to back out, drown out the voice, look away from the face and believe that it will all be alright.

A suicidal man always looks calm.

Dreams.

I woke from a weird dream today.

Me and a bunch of fren(2 guys and a girl) were in this weird area. Lotsa old shophouses…a very laid back place. To be honest the place has a Haji Lane feel…and its homely and everything. But everyone was closed. We roamed the streets, yelled out in jest and chilled there.

Slowly morning crept up and we realised one of the shops was a cafe. We hovered around…wondering if we should go in…we walked up and down a road that was built on a slope and discussed among ourselves if we should go in and get a drink. But from the corner of my eye…I spotted a old antique shop. It had a entrance that was pretty hidden coz of all the rubbish placed outside the door. I walked in and my frens followed…the front door had this area that reminded me of my uncle’s old Macpherson shop. That homely feel…and the art intrigued me. It was rather abstract drawings – drawings of faces and places and somehow I knew that this place did caricatures.  I noticed from a  wide hole in the floor that it was the second floor and it was guarded by a railing which lead to the inner of the shop. The art shop had 2 people tending it but both looked very busy and were bent over their work. I observed quitely and moved on…inside I was very very pleased to have found this shop….

We were really thirsty so we went down the slope to the cafe place. We entered and was faced with another entrance…like a flight of stairs and there was this american 80’s kinda feel to it. Arylic signboards and smooth railed stairs and wooden decor. We went in further coz we heard people moving in the shop. On the second level was lotsa tables and chairs – you noe…those kind of settees and built in sofas that looked damn inviting. But there was no one there…except around 3 to 4 smiling staff positioned around the place. Some just stood there smiling and kinda inviting us to make the decision to sit down while another just carried on..busy behind the counter. We got to a corner where the full length windows let us look out on the street and I realised something…although we were on the 2nd level…the window showed us a street level view when we sat down on the couches. *This part of the dream I couldn’t figure out until I realised that it could have been the top of the slope*

I was very confused and we moved out of the cafe…and going deeper we realised we had to go down a flight of stairs before we got out of the shop. It was a really interesting interior! Once we were back on the street, we roamed once again and the afternoon heat started creeping in…and I yearned to go back to the art shop.

But I woke right there.

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Some things in life you spend years yearning for…but you’ll only hold and feel it in your arms for a while.

Some things that you are allowed to hold and love for your whole life, may end up being something that you will forever yearn for, very soon.

Honesty sucks.

I tried the new route to work today, with Fin my colleague. Around an hour with time to buy food and eat and smoke…it seems like the best route for now. 🙂 Take the NEL up to Harbourfront and take a 15min bus on bus 65. But today’s highlight wasn’t this….

I was buzzing around at work…handling customer requests…and when I walked to the cashier counter…a blue piece of paper greeted me…I picked it up and damn! IT WAS $50 DOLLARS! MY GOD! I was super happy but I automatically turned around and handed it to the cashier saying I found this. The tinge of stupidity hit me right after I handed over the money. Can you believe it? $50 bucks!

Being honest is defintely a virtue…but sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a nice person.