Why.

Why do supposingly non-existant quarrels/issues surface from the vocal dwellings of mostly women?

Why does my girl(note the obvious difference) pays so much effort towards behaving in an irrational and unreasonable behavior over petty things?

Why is it a love that demands nothing but simple ,honest, trustworthy co-existence between 2 willing parties – end up demanding for everything else too?

Why does her anger and unhappiness last for over days when mine disperse in the next morning’s air?

Why am I emotionally blackmailed into restricting myself from my dearest friends?

Why am I unable to perform my own routine in my own dwelling and forced to comply with an ungrateful party?

Why is that simple male reason will never triumph over female tantrums?

Why do you wanna make me decide to be alone ?

The Forbidden Name.

It was a good day. Please note tat I said was.

Because after a day of good sales and nice customers, no managers around and everything right down to the closing was perfect…until Cecilia showed up. At 930pm no doubt. Trying to clear the shop of customers plus running around, trying to settle her self proclaimed alteration mistake suit for her husband is utterly crazy.

To his benefit , the husband was a very nice chap. No airs , no trouble, no problem. Total opposite for the wife. Complained about the stitching for the lining *who the fuck bothers about stitching on the lining unless its about to tear?* and some small hole puncture at the shoulders. Nvm that we already blown the matter sky high to senior management level….she can still say :”I’m not trying to cause trouble.”

If its not trouble you are causing…please enlighten me…WHAT IS IT?

In the end…she decided on a suit that I did not have size for in the pants and I have to call around for size again tml. I dunno how the hell she is gonna make it in time for the wedding since it is suppose to be next week, considering we need a week for alterations.

This is one customer I would gladly return her $458 and tell her I dun mind NOT earning her money.

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There used to be this one person, who I could share such annoying work issues with.

And she in return will give me the comfort that I seek.

I loved her for it, although I loved her for more than just this alone.

But she’s gone.

Blank.

To be honest…its been so long since I’ve actually woo-ed a girl.

Now I realise…I dunno how to.

Siao liao…

Better let Nature take its own course ba.

La la la~

Lightness of Being.

如果需要问我爱你的轻重, 不如问我是否爱你.

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1st off…I’m sorry. It has never occurred to me that my love for you was a burden. A burden once coveted, now dead weight. I can finally see how my constant yearning and refusal to give you up, can only laden you with guilt.

Believe me when I say, by giving you up, I’m too laden with guilt. It has always been my faith that one never gives up on his love. I hold that true unless my love gives up on me. I once replied to your question , that I never believed in divorce but what good can that be – when we will never even getting married to each other?

Loving you with a Right. That has been my dream for the past 6years. And this year I’m glad to say its been achieved. The Right to hold your hand in public without hiding, to openly declare and show others where my intentions and soul truly lies. To me you are the Mecca , the Pope’s feet, the highest peak and the deepest seas. The stuff of my dreams.

Being with you. I have to say you are really a dependant person. You require every bit of me, devour my every waking moment’s energy and alertness. You stifle me with the thoughts of you every second you are not around, but its ok. Thru the years of waiting, I’ve patiently cultivated the willpower to do so and also the willingness to do so. But I’m not unlimited. I am too human, unfortunately. My emotions and moods do take over sometimes. Your bullish ways to try and regain your lost childhood, your simple rebellion against yourself, persuades me to take part. And I Do.

To me you are still the perfect wife, the coveted girlfriend, the ultimate lover.You can not match my ideal beauty yet still be the one I’d choose.

Really when I can no longer envision wad you are tinking, logically dissect your actions – thats where I see you in your light and I’m so blinded. I can fall for you again, anytime, any number of times. But I realise I can only pick myself up so many times.

Days I wish I was omnipresent or just one of your rings on your finger…Are now going to pass.

I’m not throwing you out of my mind – its really impossible to erase 7years of your memory unless you got a lightning bolt handy. I’m not gonna kill you either. Suicide is not on my mind this time either. My resolution doesn’t require you to do anything nor do you have to react to this.

This is just….a statement. Because I want to say it. Maybe this way – I can feel the lightness of being.

Gd stress; Bad STRESS.

There is 2 kinds of stress.

1 is good stress that keeps you on ur toes and dun let u get complacent. The 2nd kind is not very gd. It invades your mind and keeps ur heart racing. It reminds of upcoming events and gives you the worst case scenario again and again.

Today Ken went crazy on us…he was unusually strict and demanding, checking all the “closing requirements” like making sure we zipped up all the jackets and made everything tidy etc.

He even gave David and I a test on product knowledge! I managed to score 3 out of 4…the task was to find 4 items – 1 pc of each category(sweater, jacket,blazer,sweatshirt) but they all had to be folded items. I found them but I couldn’t find wad was a blazer coz I only know blazers are suppose to be hung and never folded. It turns out a cardigan is also categorised as a blazer. OMG la!

At the end of it all, he commented that our product knowledge is near zero. It was very upsetting la! But I know he is saying that to spur us on. Thats good stress…

But those words…esp from him, whom I so look up to…is giving me bad stress for tml.Because there’s a visitor and the Zara Brand Principals are coming…fuck man dun ask me anything!

I pray everything will be fine.

Blindsided.

Rage.

I was covered, head to toe, buttered inside out with it. Inexplicible, surmounting, in-your-throat rage. I dunno why it came and why I felt it during the second half of the day.

Thank god its over now.

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I think I’m in trouble. I’m carrying too many people’s troubles, secrets and opinions. I’ve been taking on their burdens and little notes without care for myself and now I feel the weight.

Yes , they are my frens…but I have problems too. They may be chronic but I need to deal with them…

Times like this I wish I had you to calm me down….you always do…without a word but a touch will do.

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Its all…part of the Plan.

Well…I finally comfirmed it. Keith is leaving Zara too. I had my Master Shifu (Siti) leave…now its my brother-in-arms Keith…who is gonna be next damnit? Its not like I mind being there with David and Shumin left…they are darn good in their own right, but now….with Keith gone its like I joined this place alone. Its kinda sad n lonely.

Oh well~

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Today I got another piece of the puzzle, the puzzle of how Zara works. Shumin’s been studying it for almost the whole time she’s been here. But I’m learning it OJT (on the job) lol! I learnt how to use the PDA today…I must say this whole system as big as it is…(dude its worldwide) is amazing. The ordering system is complex enough and thankfully they only have 3 stocktakes a year…

But I suppose today’s lesson is just…part of the plan~

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I have to address you today, because knowing that you are going thru (yet) another rough patch. From the start, I’ve always told you, I am around. You only have to choose to lean on me. There may be little or nothing I can do for you….but make use of me as you may.

You will never be truly alone.

Own Time,Own Target.

I’m off for Reservist till 5th July.

Target practice time!!!

Hope I return with a Marksman award and $100 extra! LOL!

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I’m struggling to say it out in words to you…so make do with the typed words please.

Weakness.

Is it love? That you are feeling?

Or a habit like brushing your teeth in the morning?

There’s a difference between wanting and needing;

Preach that to a heart thats bleeding.

Trapped in surreal times that used to be;

Reality is where you choose to flee.

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All it took was a miss call to break me down.

You are my weakness. I admit.