Inability.

Friendster Horoscope for May 17, 2008

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 1

The Bottom Line

Even if you don’t understand all of your deep feelings, you should not hide them.

In Detail

Even if you don’t totally understand all of your deep feelings, you should not hide them — especially from the person who is causing them. This is a time to let the sun shine brightly on yourself, to put your heart on your sleeve and let everyone see it. Whether you are angry, nervous, excited, or all crushed out, hiding that fact will only create a much bigger mess for you to deal with. Just let it all hang out and deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.

I CANNOT I CANNOT I CANNOT.

Do not ask why.

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I thought of my dad as I was working…I remembered the time we both went out and chilled together when I was a kid. I miss those days…

and yes I wish I could return to the old days when we were young and innocent and I was a just a name on the screen, voice on the fone - loving you all the same.

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Today @ Friday,May 16…a sentence somewhere…Someone said the exact sentence I’ve kept in my heart.

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You’re not my ex, not my bf…but you are my Alvin! It matters! I was stunned and smiled as I read this…thank you Ber. At least I matter to someone. 1 more reason for me not to give up.

I’m On Off.

If you know what I mean…I’m on off. Its a good feeling…after you been back-breakingly folding clothes to perfection for 3 days. Now I know why they call it “precision”. Damn.

Got my arse up at 2pm…I can’t believe I’m waking up like this…but maybe thats the transition time I need to get myself back to the super early waking hours.

I got myself a steamboat dinner at Xian De Lai wif Ber and Norbert. I got myself on the bus so I could spend more time on the journey…but I was still early and had to slack in Kino for a while. I bumped into Ben’s fren there…a ex staff of RSH Taka. We chatted for a while before I got back into my book world again…Ber called after that and dinner was soon under way.

Norbert was…nice. No I don’t mean he’s not nice and I’m trying to be nice by saying he is…but yeh, he’s decent. Dress sense was alright (I wonder was his top a shirt or a very nice cardi coz the material was a cotton twill but it buttoned to the top). Nice firm grip but he got back to his fone right after the shake(very busy man, I understand). Ber kept making eyes at me as if to ask :” How? How? Can anot? ” I just feigned ignorance and carried on my tests and observations. He was…to be honest, kind of a letdown. I would expect someone who is in like with a person to show more care and concern rather den wait to be waited upon. He wasn’t exactly very chatty either…though he did have his say. I suppose he’s not the very extroverted type, keeping to himself and doing his job is prolly wad he does best. There was a few moments of stoning but it was a gd meal and lovely ambiance  *the ceiling lights behind us went out of order and suddenly the lighting mood was very nice*

After the meal we brought Ber to the bank to deposit her cheque and we had a short convo about his job. As expected, he opened up abit more and spoke more den all the words added up over the steamboat dinner. I tried to open up a controversial topic over drinks…talking about the humanitarian crisis in Myanmar and also the political scene in Singapore, to my surprise this guy was a clam when it came to such things.He never voiced much of an opinion, preferring to keep a low profile.

Standard Type A male.

Make Do.

I guess when life brings a wonderful girl into your life, but you can never have her - you just have to make do.

But do you?

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Finally I’ve beginning to be treated like a person…people are talking to me. I’m a lil surprised at the change but I try to chat wif them. My dept senior is an Aquarius lol! We get along fine…fierce looking faces when we work, but we are nice people ok? And for the best part of the day….MY GOD WE HAVE EYE CANDY! For the past 2 days I tot I’m gonna be a monk la…there’s no decent looking chinese girl around…but today…Melissa made my day. A petite girl who is utterly delectable and serious in her work…but the 1st thing she said to me…was a grounding statement :”Why did you come to this shithole? “

Lol! I love her already…

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Tired and reflecting upon the job…it seems like a long grueling road. The hours are long (esp on shipment days) and the days before shipment seem to be hell too if u r working the afternoon shift. I’m gonna take 1 step at a time and decide how things should go after I’ve been dealt the full shit. You can’t say its smelly until you smelled it baby~

Don’t Speak.

Heartbreaker

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Sometimes the hardest thing to do…is to try not to do things. So today I let go. Well partly because I got transfered to the ladies dept for 2 weeks training GOD SAVE ME!!! The stock is 5 times more…and they not only put me at the door( we supposedly had a visitor from management coming but never showed up) but I even had my shift extended from 5pm knock off to 630pm knock off.

This 1 day alone…makes me miss my mens dept so much! Well I did help out with the stock this morning…I hate it when the air con is not on during the mornings…and we still have to wear formal. I wonder how the guys do it, while I’m sweating already. Maybe its because I’m wearing a tee underneath lol!

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I really dun speak much, esp with the colleagues I have…I can smell the days of secondary sch and my “isolation period” coming back. Hardly anyone here holds decent intelligent conversation with me…well ok maybe not yet. I miss everyone badly…I miss having hearty conversations, I miss talking about interesting stuff.

Moreover…I miss you. And the days we had lunch together in the castle.

Overall There Is A Sense Of Hopefulness.

The new place is pretty much fine. I can’t help but remember the taste and sense of RSH Stadium as I sat in the storeroom. The organization is very much standard. The work is standard. The crowd is lacklustre but I’m doing wad I love…I serve customers with my own style, and thxfully this crowd still show me love.

All I need now is to go back to the days you were there upon that chair…in my arms. Sleep Alvin…sleep.

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I’m thankful….it turns out I have a old acquaintance in this new place. We’re not very close, but we speak of the old times in Heeren. Looks like Fate hasn’t thrown me to a corner….yet.

Die Alone.

Maybe I will….Die Alone

Who knows? But on a brighter note…today was a lovely Mother’s Day! A couples of cousins, their parents, my grandparents, and my parents went to Toa Payoh for Dim Sum in the morning. It was a great bunch of laughs and non-stop chatter…we haven’t seen much of each other and the get-together was a great chance to catch up. It sure took me away from myself…

After the meal we all walked around the shopping centre, Toa Payoh is huge la! Most of us split to go home/off to meet other ppl after that…leaving 2 other cousins to hang with me coz we decided to catch a movie. We walked around the whole of Toa Payoh to look for the cinema…only to realise it was right where we were in the 1st place…wad a bummer la! When we got there…there wasn’t the movie we wanted, so we settled for “What happens in Vegas” . Its a superb movie I tell you! I’m not revealing any details…but the movie did trigger some memories…But I cut myself off before I could think…and the hilarious antics between the 2 leads were making us all laugh out loud….in a cinema practically filled by couples except the 3 of us.

Rustin went home after that…and I went to town with Lester. I had time to kill since my meeting with Ber was at 9pm We chilled at Kino…went to the Opera Art Gallery (they have superb art there…but at executive prices too lol!) We decided to grab a small bite at Macs…and while we were there…I discovered the reasons behind his recent breakup with his gf. The family’s creative maestro was totally out of his league…but like me, we believed that we can somehow try to win their hearts thru sincerity and not thru money. I told him about our story…right from the start, to the discovery of the truth and the recent events. He calmly listened and like the others before him…agreed it was complicated. At the end, he too understood.

The dinner with Ber was simple and as usual. Sending her home however, yielded a small surprise. She had steeled herself and made her final stand with Jovi. India is off and its gonna be zero contact from now on. We both know deep inside our hearts, how long that is gonna last. Just look at me… =X

Zzzpt~!!!!

Maybe I’m lucky or I’m just a loveless slob - but I dun have that many people to love and miss like you. Maybe thats why I am able to feel so strongly, because its like a laser focusing itself on one area.

Den again, I love and miss all of you guys.

If you know what I mean

Break the spell.

I got this from I’s Magazine (a free mag) :

When the spell is broken, Aquarius,you will be able to tap into resources that you’ve been cut off from.When the spell is broken, you will finally notice 3 big beautiful secrets that have been staring you in the face. When the spell is broken,you will slip down off a clean lofty perch where it has been hard to relax and arrive at a low,funky spot where you’ll be free to feel things you haven’t felt in a long time. When the spell is broken, it will be because you have decided to break it.

I dunno about the resources nor the 3 big beautiful things. But I suppose the clean lofty perch is my old manager job at FLMP and the new job is the low funky spot coz I’m back to basic staff level?

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I met up with Kenny after he ended work. We had a great movie outing with Densen( Kenny’s fren), Valerie (so delectable), Vanessa (wildness humanized), Christy ( she’s pretty fun too when she’s not stressed at work) and 1 more girl (I didn’t really catch her name =X ) .

We caught Harold and Kumar but the real fun was before the movie! We had 3 hrs to waste before the movie started so we actually went to LJS. Kenny was having a bad time with Shanon-probs, it turned out she couldn’t come and she got very annoyed wif her ex-bf who was meeting her. Its complicated and it soon blew up in our faces coz Kenny was emo and violent. Densen and I decided to go give him some “guys talk” and wake him up. It took us a few ciggs and a truckload of both Densen’s and my common sense to douse out Kenny’s flame. But it wasn’t before he punched the wall to release the leftover resentment until he was finally better.

We left the place to find somewhere to slack….but halfway along the way, the whole bunch of them ran off hiding, leaving Densen and I alone. No worries for us coz we hit it off from the start…but we both had dead mobiles so none of them could call us. It wasn’t until we reached Cuppage and found them waiting for us. We however took our own sweet time to get to a atm and strolled our way there lol!

The pool place we were supposed to go to was shut down and Le Meridian wasn’t tat good either coz it was overpriced. We decided to walk back to Cine but we were all sweating and hot already. A couple of stopovers to get drinks and soon we were at lvl 8 in K Pool. Vanessa is a god-damn pool shark lor! Apparently her ex trained her before…but I managed to beat her All with a gd game of “snooking” her all the while. She owned almost every other match though I played quite a few rounds with Densen , but less den wad I would liked to have played with Kenny. Maybe next time ba?

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I wasn’t tinking about it but it suddenly hit me. How simply ur hand fits in mine…the softness, the tenderness, how it fits just right. The very moment they eased together, it felt like it was supposed to be there. We didn’t even complain about the posture or position…well maybe until later.

Just a simple memory…it reminds be that even as I remain calm on the outside. I’m wrecked inside.

LIKELOVELikeLovelikelove

How do you define like? Well if you have to ask me like is quite simple to define. Simply ask yourself : Did you think of that certain someone for the past 4hrs?

If your answer is yes , den now ask yourself : are you thinking of that person now?

If the answer is still yes, den the next phase requires you to ask yourself this question after 4hrs.

Are you still thinking of the same person still?

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Like and Love are well concealed;

Between the two - much can yield.

Lasting relations or simple hatred;

Can be revealed with a simple method.

Like is light and full of folly.

Love is strong and somewhat holy.

Discover each one.

Identify them so.

Because if you confuse them together, it becomes Woe.

You’re Hired!

I got a call while i was surfing the net this cool afternoon….and Rain from Zara called to say I got the job. But the location’s gonna be GREAT WORLD CITY OMG! Its not exactly Compass Point, but I guess its an extra 15mins of traveling time for me, and it also means I have to wake at 6 is there is new stock on that day.

I gotta get myself a transfer.

Why do I sound like I hate my job when I haven’t even started? Lol!